Brain Bean Coffee—A Cup of Hope, Served Once in a While

99 out of 100 customers leave empty-handed. The 100th regrets everything.

Walking into Brain Bean Coffee feels normal—until you place an order. That’s when you realize you’re not in a coffee shop. You’re in a lottery. Every purchase enters you into a cruel, bureaucratic game of chance, where only one in every hundred customers actually gets a drink. The rest? Nothing. No refunds, no explanations—just the slow, creeping realization that caffeine was never meant for you. Some try to bribe their way ahead, only to find themselves shuffled into an even slower queue. Others place bets, form alliances, and spend weeks plotting their next move. There’s a reason Barry, the First Official Sponsor Zombie, oversees operations—because nothing fuels disappointment quite like patience running out. And the rare few who win? They clutch their prize like a relic, too drained from the process to ask why it’s already cold.

The Friendly Robot Travel Agency suggests bringing low expectations and something to do while you wait. If your number doesn’t hit, you can always try again tomorrow—or in the next life.

Wishbone Cost: 

Rick’s Review:

"Stood in line for what felt like years. No one spoke. No one left. The guy ahead of me finally got his cup, stared into it like he’d just lost something important, then set it down and walked away. When I finally reached the counter, the barista just sighed and said, ‘Are you sure?’ I wasn’t. But I took the cup anyway. It was empty."

Rick’s Tee-Hee Rating: