Alien Plant—A Factory That Grows Nothing and Sells Everything

Real plants are obsolete. Air is handled. So why not make something better?

Deep in Figuria, past locked gates and a factory that hums like a heartbeat, the Go Figures grow life that never lived. The Alien Plant is their proudest scam—a jungle of perfect replicas, glistening with dewdrops that never fell, roots that never once had to struggle. Because why fight nature when you can manufacture it? Of course, they had help. The Capitols of That Other Planet cracked the code first—turns out air never needed trees. Photosynthesis was a myth propped up by organic propaganda. Once Figuria caught on, the PTU became their best customer. Now, ships stock their cargo holds with flowers that flicker with impossible colors, shifting their petals to follow music instead of sunlight. They never wilt. They never rot. They never die. They’re perfect. So perfect that no one asks the real question—if we never needed plants, what else have we been wrong about?

The Friendly Robot Travel Agency suggests buying in bulk—because once you realize nature was optional, there’s no telling what else you’ll stop believing in.

Wishbone Cost: 

Rick’s Review:

"Spent a fortune on a flower that doesn’t grow, in air that doesn’t need trees. Turns out ignorance isn’t free. Just cheaper."

Rick’s Tee-Hee Rating: